August 10, 2019: Acknowledgments II

As promised, here’s what you can find at the backs of novels by young people these days. This is short compared to a lot of acknowledgments pages:

First, I want to thank my agent, Pinky Arbuthnot, who saw gold where others saw dross, and her relentless assistant, Joe Stalin, whose phone calls never failed to arouse me.

And everyone at Knopf on Team Jodi! Harriet Spenser, “Hannk”, Honeypot Hammersmith, Cecilia Sensibility, and too many others to mention! Oh and of course Priscilla Priss, the BEST copy editor ever. Without your work, this book would have been a real mess. Oh, and I’m supposed to say, still, any mistakes are all mine,

Of course The Nasty Girls writers’ group, who would I be without you? Katie Kavanaugh, Dottie Dix, Rod (“the Man”) Rocker, Henrietta Chick, Amelia “Bedelia” Combs, Beatrice Anderson, who actually had an outline for this book (no hard feelings, Bea!) and all of you kids who drifted in and out of our writers’ group. May I still be a bride’s maid?

Also certainly my mentors and professors in the MFA program at Bewildered State: Rob “Shoot the” Messenger, Vivian Darkbloom, and Beretta Guns, whose piercing questions kept me on my toes! Thanks to you all.

This book could not have taken shape without tedious hours of useless research, and I am indebted to all of the librarians who gave so fully and resentfully of their time; never seen so many rolling eyes: Jay Bell, of Carnegie Mellon Libraries; Barry Bonds and Jessica Mendoza, of the Bay City Librarian Association; Jim Thome, of the Cleveland Public Library; and the tireless Sam Sosa of the Chicago Public Library, who had to be on steroids to do so much work for me! You guys are the best!!

Also of course to the board of the Western Delaware Writers’ Group, for their fellowship and generosity while I worked on this book; and the Upper Vermont Writers’ Council, for their generous funding, especially through the good offices of Peter Principle, whose late-night visits to my cabin never failed to cheer me! Don’t forget the Malbec, Pete!

And of course to those fellow writers who read this in all of the various drafts: Stephen Daedalus, Jay Gatsby, Harry Angstrom, Clarissa Dalloway, Alexander Portnoy, Moses Herzog, Emma Bovary, Augie March, John “Binx” Bolling, and of course the best of all, Henry Bech. Thanks for the advice on foreign rights! Anyone know anything about Albania?

Also thanks to the Lamar Odom Rehab Facility. Who knew that going cold turkey could be so enlightening? You guys are the best! You can keep the clothes and the scotch that the Nasty Girls sneaked in.

Of course thanks to all of my stalwart friends in the ‘hood: Lucy, Buttercup, Misty, Fred, Henry Kissinger, and Terri. You guys were always ready with a cup of coffee or a call to 911!

Thanks to Doris Kearns Goodwin, Robert Kaplan, David McCullough, and all of the other geopoliticians and historians I manufactured reasons to talk to simply so I could name you here. Are you going to call, Robert, like you said you would?

Never could I have written this book without the support and help of my roommates: Judy, Sally, Henry, Billy, and Sam. Thanks for keeping the coffee pot full and for stocking the condoms.

Always always I have to thank my nephews and nieces who were always willing to listen to me read the latest draft: Kerry, Billy, Lisa, and Brooke. Someday you won’t have to ask me what “cums” means!

Always, again always, my love to my parents, Pat and Mike, who encouraged me always, except for that little thing about going to college—it’s OK! No one can resent your obsession with visiting the Far East.

And my best little friend ever, Pookie: when I was staring at the computer, wondering what came next, I could stare down, and there you’d be with your little teeth wrapped around a tennis ball, ready to go play! It was the perfect antidote to writer’s block. You’re the best alligator, ever.

And lastly but not leastly, always to John, who supported me in every way through this, stayed by me through thick and thin, supported me financially, was always ready at any hour to give support and a hug, and had only the most cogent criticisms—you outdid the Nasty Girls! You will always be deep in my heart, and we can keep up through Facebook. Don’t call, though.

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The rule proving the exception: I just finished Taffy Brodesser-Akner’s* novel “Fleishman is in Trouble”, which all by itself is a wonderful book, funny and sad and full of big ideas. When I finished, I turned the page to find no acknowledgments page. Nothing. You know what I thought? “Ungrateful wretch!”

*Taffy Brodesser-Akner has to be the Author Name of the Year. If she played lacrosse, she’d also make Deadspin.com’s lacrosse players’ list of names of the year, which otherwise is populated by a lot of Barrington Lodge-Pierce III’s. A name similar to “Taffy” would not be unknown on the women’s list.